When elderly parents age, they begin to need more and more support from their family members. This can cause additional conflict between their adult children because old sibling rivalries that may have been dormant for years can return. That is why families need to be aware of the conflicts that can tear families apart.
Causes of conflicts among family members
Family dynamics are notoriously complex, however, there are two themes that tend to occur most often when it comes to their parent’s care:
1. Injustice
When one sibling feels they are bearing the burden of their parent’s care more than the other siblings, there can be a sense of resentment. Many siblings who live further from mom and dad are often off the hook leaving siblings that live close by under the obligation to take on the role of caregiver. The sibling who is not helping with all of the caretaking tasks may not even be aware of how much work the other sibling is doing.
2. Inheritance
Finances are almost always a struggle. In the perfect world, we wouldn’t be motivated by money, but that’s rarely the case. Caregiving is stressful, but finances can compound the conflict. The sibling doing most of the caretaking may feel entitled to a larger share, but the other siblings may not agree. The distant siblings may also feel that the local sibling is spending too much money for the parent’s care.
Tips for helping with family disagreements
Unfortunately, there are no easy answers, but maintaining good communication is critical.
Consider these two tips for improving communication if you are in the middle of a family dispute:
1. Hold a family meeting
Ideally, you should fix the issues before they get out of hand. Host a family meeting and talk openly and frankly about the needs of the parents. Establish the roles of each child and make future plans.
2. Advisors and mediators
If your conflict has gone beyond a family meeting, sometimes a neutral, outside party can help. Family counselors can bridge the gap between the siblings or a mediator that specializes in care issues for seniors may be able to help.
Ultimately, we are only in control of ourselves. Although we may want to get along with our siblings, we simply may not succeed.
When you are advocating for the care of your parent, it is best to let go of any resentment an anger that may be lingering between siblings and do what is best for your parents.
